Auntie Rhondda

Gavan's auntie, Rhondda Melgren passed away this morning in Auckland (Monday am in NZ). She was only 43. She leaves behind her husband Simon, and three children Elliott, Janelle and Jarrod.

I am so sorry that Gavan, who just arrived yesterday, didn't get there in time to meet her. And now we will never have that pleasure either. I am sure however, that Roz will be so grateful for the opportunity to spend those last days with her sister and know it will mean a lot that Susie and Princeton were able to see her last summer on their honeymoon.

As someone who also lost a parent when I was a child, my heart sympathizes and hurts for the immense loss those children will suffer. I hope they are comforted by all the wonderful memories they have of their mum in the days ahead.

We are an ocean away, and have never met, but as family nonetheless our hearts, thoughts and prayers are very near to all those that mourn her loss.

In memory of Ali

Baby Ali passed away Thursday.

Chelsea wrote to tell us of their last days and moments together and posted some incredibly sweet and heart-wrenching photos. It was so incredibly moving and painful to read, I can only imagine how it felt for them to experience it.  

My heart goes out in deepest sympathy to Chelsea and Jesse who are surely suffering an incredible loss.  I am so glad to have been able to share in her short life, and hope Ali's parents will find some comfort in knowing how many of us were touched by her life.

Baby Ali

Photo courtesy of Stacie Lamotte

Most people who know me well, know that for the last 3 years I have been part of an online community. I have never been, in the past or present, part of any type of online forum before, and the thought of it really holds no appeal for me. How then, I have spent 3 years discussing everything from the most trivial and silly of things to serious life issues with a group of strangers in the virtual world, is really beyond me, but here I am.

Some of the members have made the leap from being virtual friends, known only by screen names and avatars, to becoming good friends IRL ("in real life" for those of you not schooled in the language of the internet). Together we have shared weddings and home purchases, pregnancies and births and every facet of life imaginable.

To say that group of women chatting with a huge degree of anonymity is always civil or polite is obviously totally unreal. This community has its fair share of troublemakers, and drama just like any others, but for the most part, the members are kind, intelligent women who are very sensitive to the needs of others.

I've seen these ladies from all across the country, and some beyond our borders, band together to help a needy lady throw together a lovely wedding when disaster has struck. I've seen them donate money, time and home-cooked meals for one member who was trying to cope with her young family as her husband battled cancer. I've seen them pitch in and give of themselves over and over, even when this kindness has been taken advantage of.

And now I've just been witness to another incredible demonstration of the kindness of others, even though it is born out of immense pain and sorrow.

Chelsea, is one of our newer members. Her husband was building them a beautiful home on Vancouver Island with his own two hands. They were expecting their first child. All of her dreams were coming true. And then, Chelsea and her husband got the first inkling that something was amiss. Via a routine ultrasound, Chelsea found out that her baby might perhaps have a club foot, and there were other indicators of a potentially more serious problem. Chelsea was trying to come to terms with the fears of all of the unknown, when her baby, a beautiful little girl they named Alexis (Ali), was born 9 weeks early.

It was apparent this little girl had some serious health issues, but she was a tremendous fighter. She battled through surgery after surgery to repair her feet and other problems that became obvious after birth. Chelsea devoted herself to her daughter, and moved from her home on the Island to Vancouver to be at the hospital day and night. Just when things would start to look up for Ali, there would be another setback... but she kept fighting. Chelsea was even given some encouragement that Ali just might be able to go home soon, and then the unthinkable happened. Ali's doctors, attempting to do a surgery on her larynx to facilitate her breathing discovered that it was not possible. Without this surgery, Ali will die. I'm not really sure of the exact details, and really they are not the point of this post. Yesterday we heard from Chelsea as she shared this most painful development in Ali's story, and told us only that she was going to take her daughter to the ocean to have even some fleeting moments of normalcy in Ali's last hours.

Last night a virtual vigil was being held online, as hundreds of women reached out to Chelsea and Ali across the internet, lighting candles and offering prayers, sympathy and support for this young mother in her darkest hour. Sometimes I have been embarrassed about my mini-addiction to this online community, but today I was so proud.

And, as my own baby fussed in the night, I was so thankful for his little cry. Thankful that I am not preparing myself to say goodbye to a beloved child. Thankful that even though this year hasn't been especially wonderful, that although we've battled some illness, when it comes right down to it, my children are ok. Thankful, again, that today I have been spared this kind of loss.

All I can do now is type through tears for Chelsea, and for baby Ali, and for all who have been touched by her little life.

Now go hug your kids.

Words this week

Grandpa

Taco

Boot

New words Malachi likes to say.

For all the Mamas

This post is for all the mamas who have known the deep dark sorrow of losing a child.

This is for the moms who have had their dreams dashed or postponed by early miscarriages, and faced the exhausting reality of having to try again and have had to come to terms with the very real loss of a baby they have only imagined.

This is for the mamas whose babies have come before they were ready for whatever reason, and for the mamas who endured childbirth only to have fleeting moments to hold their precious babes, before they were gone.

This is for the mommies who have inexhaustibly loved and cared for sick children, and then had to let them go... long before they ever dreamed they would.

This is for all the mothers who have had children young or old taken suddenly, by tragedy or accident or unfortunate mishap and have been left with a gaping hole.

I have held my kids closer in the face of your grief. I have been made so aware of how lucky I am to have escaped the immense sorrow each one of you have met. I am heartbroken for you. I have thought of and prayed for each of you. I have shed tears imagining your pain.

Specifically this is for Jaana, Michelle, Meagan, Lori, Renita, Margaret and Jen, but it is also for every mother that has grieved a child. In secret or openly. Recently or in the distant past. You are cared for.

In memory of Esmee Lynne Cortez

My heart is aching for a friend right now...

Lori and Ruben Cortez of Round Rock, TX. lost their baby daughter unexpectedly due to a complication during pregnancy. Esmee Lynne was stillborn on August 26,2008 weighing almost 3lbs 90z. As a mother, one who is expecting as well, I can't begin to imagine the hole this loss has left behind, and all the unrealized hopes and dreams that the Cortez's would have had for this little life.

I adore her name, as Esmee was the front-runner on our girls list too, strangely enough. From our home to theirs we are wishing the Cortez's all the peace and comfort that only God can give as they grieve their little baby.

Lots of love and prayers to them.