A love letter to my son.

To my little Moo, on the occasion of your First Birthday,

I hope you won't hold it against me that the day I found out you were coming to join our family, I sat all day in a dumbfounded stupor...shell-shocked by the complete surprise with which your intended arrival was made known. I hope you won't resent the fact that I was more than a little scared about how another child would fit into our lives. Was there room in our home for another little person? More importantly, was there room in our hearts?

Because here's the thing Moo:

I can't even begin to imagine life without you... not for one second.

It's pretty hectic in our house, between your brother's goofy toddler antics, and your unwavering requests for attention. Attention I'm not always sure you get enough of and definitely not in the lavish way Malachi received it. Attention that is divided, lop-sidedly at best between you and your roommate based on who is creating the costliest damage at that moment.

And chaos and busyness aside, you and I have had our moments. We've had our fair share of fights and disagreements, which somehow I seem to have been on the losing end of way too often.

But what I'm trying to say here my Kashie Kashers, is that you are an absolute ray of sunshine in my day. (Even when you have also been the dark clouds of storm just a moment earlier.)

Your sweet soft head of luscious and often ridiculously coiffed curls is still irresistible to me. The way you lay your head on my shoulder and cuddle in melts my heart every time. You might not be quite the clown your older brother is, but your amazing little laugh is the purest expression of joy I have ever heard. You are not your brother, nor would I want you to be. You have moves all your own and your own brand of charm and um personality quirks. And we could not love everyone of them more if we tried.

While Malachi is always on the move, you are still so snuggly and even though sometimes I wish you had another favorite spot beyond my lap and arms, I know too soon you will be off and running and too busy for snuggling with your mom. I go to sleep every night wondering aka grumbling about why you refuse to sleep in your own bed, but wake up feeling so grateful that for now your Dad and I get to greet the day to the sleepy smiles of a little cherub between us.

And how fast has this year gone? I was warned that having babies so close together would cause the seconds to tick by faster. I was also warned that it wouldn't be that easy.... and it hasn't been. In fact it might have actually been the hardest year of my life. But you are the little joy that makes all of the unfinished chores unimportant and the lack of sleep seem worth it.

I'm so glad sometimes that God removes decisions from us, and has a plan that we couldn't even imagine. You are the happiest conclusion to a surprise beginning. You are an unimaginable gift. The kind we didn't even know we were missing.

Happy First Birthday to you my little sweet ONE year old.